7 Coming Out Myths Busted: Insights From a Therapist

Myth #1: "You only have to come out once."

Oh, if only it were that simple! The truth is, coming out isn't a one-and-done deal. It's more like a lifelong process. As one therapist put it, "You'll likely be coming out in various situations throughout your life – to new friends, colleagues, healthcare providers, and so on."

This doesn't mean you have to make a grand announcement every time you meet someone new. It's more about being prepared for those moments when your identity might come up in conversation. Remember, you get to decide when, where, and to whom you come out. It's all about what feels right for you.

Myth #2: "There's a 'right' way to come out."

Nope, there's no one-size-fits-all approach here. Some folks prefer a big announcement, others like to casually drop it into conversation, and some might choose to come out through a letter or social media post.

The 'right' way to come out is whatever way feels authentic and safe for you. There's no script you have to follow.

Myth #3: "You're not truly LGBTQ+ if you haven't come out yet."

This is a harmful myth that puts unnecessary pressure on people who might not be ready or safe to come out. Your identity is valid whether you've told anyone else about it or not.

As one therapist I know beautifully put it, "Your identity belongs to you. It's not determined by who knows about it or how public you are with it. You're you, regardless of who else knows."

Myth #4: "Coming out will immediately solve all your problems."

While coming out can bring a sense of relief and authenticity, it's not a magic wand that makes all life's challenges disappear. In fact, it can sometimes create new challenges, especially if you face rejection or discrimination.

A therapist I interviewed stressed, "Coming out is a significant step, but it's not the end of the journey. It's important to have support systems in place and to be prepared for a range of reactions."

Myth #6: "You have to have everything figured out before you come out."

Wouldn't it be nice if we could have all our ducks in a row before taking this step? But the reality is, many of us are still exploring and understanding our identities when we start coming out.

It's okay to come out as questioning or to use broader terms like queer if you're not sure about more specific labels. Your identity might evolve over time, and that's perfectly normal.

Myth #5: "If someone reacts badly to your coming out, it means they don't love you."

This is a tough one. It's heartbreaking when someone we care about reacts negatively to our coming out. But it's important to remember that people's initial reactions don't always reflect their long-term feelings.

One therapist explained, "Sometimes people need time to process. Their initial reaction might come from a place of shock, fear, or misunderstanding. While this doesn't excuse hurtful behavior, it's possible for relationships to heal and grow stronger over time."

Myth #7: "Coming out gets easier every time."

While some people do find that coming out becomes easier with practice, this isn't true for everyone. Each situation is unique and might bring its own set of challenges or emotions.

One therapist noted, "The ease or difficulty of coming out can depend on many factors – the relationship you have with the person, the environment you're in, your current life circumstances. It's okay if it feels hard sometimes, even if you've done it before."

The Bottom Line

Coming out is a deeply personal journey that looks different for everyone. By busting these myths, I hope we can create a more supportive and understanding environment for those navigating this process.

Remember, there's no rush and no "right" way to do it. Your identity is valid, whether you're out to everyone, a select few, or just to yourself. And if you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out for support – whether that's to friends, LGBTQ+ community groups, or a queer-affirming therapist. Wherever you are in your coming out process, know that you're not alone, and your feelings are valid.

Your journey is yours alone, and you get to write your own story.

Want some extra support?

Many of our therapists are members of the LGTBQ+ community and are uniquely equipped to support you in your journey. You don't need to navigate life on your own.

Reach out today.